Five Love Languages

If you're in a relationship of any kind (whether that be dating, married, or otherwise), I highly recommend you read The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman. This book is so awesome for helping couples learn how to communicate with one another (and really, helps you discover for yourself your communication style and preferences). It's also useful for people not in romantic relationships, but simply relationships with other people - you end up learning a lot about yourself by reading this book, and if your children or others take the quiz, as well, it can help communication in those relationships, too!

As a quick disclaimer: before you read the rest of this post, I recommend you go ahead and take the Love Languages Quiz. I sort of felt like reading the book before taking the quiz - really, even knowing the Love Languages themselves, could taint the outcome of the quiz results. So, go take the quiz first, and then get the book and read up on the various Love Languages and what yours says about you.

Moving on!

Here are the Five Love Languages:
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Receiving Gifts
Quality Time
Physical Touch

So. Seth and I read this book a few years ago and took the quiz, and it turns out my Love Language is Acts of Service. This means that I feel most loved when my spouse does things for me, or us, or our home. For example, I feel more loved and supported when dinner or laundry has been done, than I do when I receive a gift from him. My next-most-important Love Language was Words of Affirmation. For people whose Love Language is Words of Affirmation, positive, affirming speech is very important, and negative speech affects them more significantly than those whose Love Language is not Words of Affirmation. For some people whose Love Language is Words of Affirmation, it can also mean that compliments are important - this is not the case for me.

Seth's Love Language is Words of Affirmation, and in a very close second, Quality Time. For people whose Love Language is Quality Time, spending time with your spouse - even if that just means hanging out and watching a movie at home - is most important. Poor Seth, right now we are working practically opposite schedules and barely see each other except on the weekends!

For us, this changed a lot, actually. It was so helpful for me to know that Seth takes being spoken to positively very seriously, that negative speech (or in my case, nagging!) affect him exponentially worse than someone whose Love Language is not Words of Affirmation. It has really changed the way I approach communicating with him, and has definitely made our marriage more harmonious (in my opinion). The same goes for Seth - by knowing that my Love Language is Acts of Service, he knows that taking care of business and not letting important things that need done fall by the wayside makes me feel more supported and loved. I've noticed a change in the way he supports me as a spouse, and it has made me so much happier and relaxed in our marriage.

I've loaned this book to a few of my friends already, and I highly recommend it - especially if you are in a relationship, or married.


  1. My love language is quality time. I thought it was service for a long time because I enjoy spending time with people which often means doing service for others :). My husbands is physical touch.

    I think these books are great for everyone! They really help people understand more of the people around them :)

  2. I am words of affirmation. And a secondary physical touch. I found this really helpful in my own marriage when we first read it! Highly recommend it to friends as well!

  3. I have read this book too, in the past. I definitely think that it can be a useful framework, and can help us understand the needs of spouses or close family members even when we ourselves don't experience that need in the same way since we naturally speak a different 'language'.


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